Merry Christmas!

As we await the arrival of our son,

We celebrate the birth of God's son!

Merry Christmas!

24 Weeks

How far along? 24 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Made the mistake of getting on the scale. Up 21 pounds. I have no idea where it is besides the belly!
Maternity clothes? Absolutely.
Stretch marks? No new ones.
Sleep: Little dude is starting to wake me up in the middle of the night. Not that I mind but I hope he realizes we REALLY love our sleep.
Best moment this week: Hanging at home all Saturday and watching my belly move. 
Movement: He's a mover! Most active in the evenings still. And some in the middle of the night.
Food cravings: Halloween candy is all around. No bueno.
Gender: Boy.
Labor Signs: Nope.
Belly Button in or out? Staying in as long as possible.
What I miss: PJs that fit.
What I am looking forward to: A 3 day weekend with my family (including my brother) at the beach!  
Weekly Wisdom: Enjoy every day.
Milestones: Gestational Diabetes test this Friday plus an ultrasound update on Little Dude! Excited to see him again!

23 Weeks

How far along? 23 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Haven't weighed in. Belly is getting BIG.
Maternity clothes? And growing out of them...
Stretch marks? Officially decided the spots on the boobs are stretch marks. Nice.
Sleep: Not suffering yet. 
Best moment this week: Having Brit & Rachel feel him kick. It's weird but so cool.
Movement: Definitely continuing to be an active evening child.
Food cravings: Nothing other than the usual cravings.
Gender: Boy.
Labor Signs: Nope.
Belly Button in or out? In but I can tell where it is starting to go out...
What I miss: Not a whole lot. Some of my clothes I guess.
What I am looking forward to: 24 weeks next week! 
Weekly Wisdom: Drink the water!
Milestones: Active baby with kicks all around!

21 Weeks

How far along? 21 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: About the same as last week.
Maternity clothes? Absolutely.
Stretch marks? Eeek... 
Sleep: Not bad. Getting up about 2 times a night to pee but still able to go right to sleep. Thank God!!
Best moment this week: Ordering the crib and high chair! (Thanks Mimi!!)
Movement: He's sleepier in the morning this week and active in the afternoon.
Food cravings: Nothing other than the usual cravings.
Gender: Boy.
Labor Signs: Nope.
Belly Button in or out? In but I can tell where it is starting to go out...
What I miss: Hanging out in my fat pants. I wish I could teach in fat pants.
What I am looking forward to: A Saturday at the house doing nothing but watching football. 
Weekly Wisdom: Slow down. 
Milestones: Over halfway there!

20 Weeks

How far along? 20 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: I think the scale at the Dr's office is off. It said up 13 pounds. I do not agree. 
Maternity clothes? Absolutely.
Stretch marks? Eeek... 
Sleep: Getting worse. I'm finding it more and more difficult to get comfortable... not happy about this.
Best moment this week: Reaching the half-baked mark!
Movement: Definitely my child because he gets in to patterns of when he's awake and sleeping. 
Food cravings: No crazy gotta have it cravings, yet. 
Gender: Well the ultrasound girl said that he's a "proud boy." SMH as a momma.
Labor Signs: Nope.
Belly Button in or out? In but I can tell where it is starting to go out...
What I miss: Hanging out with Blake and nothing to do... Fall is always so stinking busy!  
What I am looking forward to: Picking out crib & curtain fabric, ordering the crib (hopefully this weekend!)
Weekly Wisdom: You are going to worry about this baby for the next 100 years.
Milestones: Baby is 12 ounces and heartbeat of 144. They found a calcification on his heart that they called an echogenic focus. They said it's a soft marker for Down's and since he doesn't have any of the others we should be good. I'm not worried about having a Down's baby I'm worried about having a healthy baby! Pretty much this means we get to have ultrasounds a lot to follow up and keep an eye on it. I figure this baby is definitely half Barnhill because all Barnhill men have heart issues... go figure. Keep Baby Smith in your prayers that the heart decides to resolve itself and keep my boy happy and healthy!

19 Weeks

How far along? 19 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Nothing official, probably about 10 poundsish
Maternity clothes? Absolutely.
Stretch marks? Not that I've found yet.
Sleep: Not bad. Getting up every 2 hours to pee sucks.
Best moment this week: Watching Blake feel Baby kick!
Movement: Really amped it up this week. You can officially feel him on the outside now!
Food cravings: Still craving salads. And for some reason peanut butter & jelly? 
Gender: Obviously boy!
Labor Signs: Nope.
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Summer. But not this summer because of the puke-a-thons.  
What I am looking forward to: 1) Beach Weekend with my 20s/30s girls 2) Seeing Baby at our ultrasound on Tuesday 3) 3 year anniversary on Wednesday
Weekly Wisdom: Drink lots of water. You always feel better when you drink your water!
Milestones: Finally bought my first item for Baby. A set of onesies that were super cheap this weekend!

18 Weeks

How far along? 18 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: According to the Dr's office gained only 7! Woohoo!
Maternity clothes? Absolutely.
Stretch marks? Not yet.
Sleep: Not bad. Getting up every 2 hours to pee sucks.
Best moment this week: Finding out Baby Smith is a BOY!
Movement: Baby either loves or hates Mexican. He was going nutso this weekend when I ate at Plaza.
Food cravings: Still craving salads. 
Gender: Obviously boy!
Labor Signs: Nope.
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Not worrying.  
What I am looking forward to: 2 weekends in a row of girl getaways!
Weekly Wisdom: Take other teachers up on their offers to watch your class so you can pee.
Milestones: Finally being comfortable calling baby he!

16 Weeks

How far along? 16 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Plus 7.5 at last check
Maternity clothes? Yep. Some clothes show off bump more than others.
Stretch marks? Not yet.
Sleep: Like a baby with my Boppy. *knock on wood*
Best moment this week: People sharing in the excitement that we will find out gender soon!
Movement: Every now and then.
Food cravings: Salad from restaurants.
Gender: At this point I will be super shocked if there are girly bits on that ultrasound.
Labor Signs: Nope.
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Sleeping through the night.
What I am looking forward to: GENDER REVEAL NEXT WEEK!
Weekly Wisdom: Drink lots of water. It keeps the cramps away.
Milestones: Figuring out how to survive as a preggo teacher.

15 Weeks

How far along? 15 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Plus 7.5 at last check
Maternity clothes? Yep. And thankfully I enjoyed flowy non-maternity school clothes!
Stretch marks? Not yet.
Sleep: Like a baby with my Boppy. *knock on wood*
Best moment this week: Starting my 5th year of teaching! And my kids who have been so sweet about my pregnancy.
Movement: Felt a kick for the first time. And Blake got to feel hiccups tonight. Loving it!
Food cravings: Buffalo chicken dip for some strange reason... 
Gender: At this point I will be super shocked if there are girly bits on that ultrasound.
Labor Signs: Nope.
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: No back pain. 
What I am looking forward to: ECU Football on Saturday!!!! At the end of football season we should be having a baby!!
Weekly Wisdom: My body and baby are my #1 priority. (Just have to keep telling myself that.)
Milestones: Starting a new school year has really tested me. I have been so exhausted this week and I'm finding that I can't teach like I'm used to. Unfortunately my kids are going to get a lot of lessons with me from my comfy chair. I wish I had all this energy other preggos do.

14 Weeks

How far along? 14 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Let's not discuss this week.
Maternity clothes? Definitely. Starting to realize just how few maternity clothes I have.
Stretch marks? Not yet.
Sleep: Much better this week. Probably because I've been working and I'm so tired.
Best moment this week: Co-worker telling me I had "popped"
Movement: Fluttering around. Haven't been as still and quiet this week so I haven't noticed but every now and then I do.
Food cravings: All over the place. 
Gender: Had a parent at school tell me it was a boy. 
Labor Signs: Nope.
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Margaritas. Especially with the stress of school.
What I am looking forward to: Finding out the gender on September 9 and the Gender Reveal party!!
Weekly Wisdom: Having a baby in the middle of the school year sounds like a fun idea...
Milestones: Parents noticing the bump without me pointing to it... this is starting to get real.

13 Weeks

How far along? 13 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Plus 4.6 pounds at the Dr
Maternity clothes? Definitely. I could probably get by with loose regular clothes but the stretch is amazing.
Stretch marks? Not yet.
Sleep: I broke down and bought the Boppy body pillow. That's helping but I'm still not sleeping well.
Best moment this week: Hearing the heartbeat at the Dr on Monday!
Movement: Definitely felt flutters for the first time this week. Maybe once or twice a day if I'm still and paying attention. The heartbeat was found in the exact place I thought baby was hanging out.
Food cravings: Mexican. Go Figure.
Gender: I'm leaning towards boy. We really do NOT care though. Either way we are excited!
Labor Signs: Nope.
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Sleeping. 
What I am looking forward to: Finding out the gender on September 9 and the Gender Reveal party!!
Weekly Wisdom: Don't have pregnant women move their classrooms in the middle of the summer. 
Milestones: I have successfully moved my classroom. We are 3 days away from the second trimester. I am showing. Whew!

12 Weeks

How far along? 12 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Haven't weighed this week.
Maternity clothes? More and more.
Stretch marks? I check most nights while getting ready for bed... none yet.
Sleep: So so. I've started researching body pillows because I can tell I'm going to need a good one. Several nights I haven't been able to sleep (too much energy) or I wake up super early with too much energy.
Best moment this week: Getting to 12 weeks! That's a major milestone in my worry wort head.
Movement: I felt some flutters this weekend!
Food cravings: Mexican! And it was amazing!
Gender: My hair girl told me boy today.
Labor Signs: Nope.
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Feeling GOOD. 
What I am looking forward to: Hearing a heartbeat on Monday!
Weekly Wisdom: I had one a few days ago but I forgot. Go figure.
Milestones: 12 weeks... just about 2nd trimester!!

11 Weeks

How far along? 11 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Plus 4 pounds
Maternity clothes? Hanging out in maternity shirts. Most pants are low enough I can get away with a belt and no button.
Stretch marks? Not that I know of yet.
Sleep: Catching up from last week! Getting up multiple times during the night to potty.
Best moment this week: Nothing too exciting
Movement: Nothing... Some kind of movement would really help the worrier in me
Food cravings: Cucumbers in vinegar. Killed my tummy after though.
Gender: Boy? I really have no idea.
Labor Signs: Nope.
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Not worrying about every little ache in my body.
What I am looking forward to: Prenatal appointment in 2 weeks.
Weekly Wisdom: None.
Milestones: I survived our vacation. That's good enough.

I feel like I've lost my baby "bloat" and actually look smaller. I don't know what it's from... maybe the emptying of my colon after 2 bowls of guacamole?  Hoping and praying Baby is doing well!

10 Weeks - On Vacation

How far along? 10 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Haven't checked in a few days
Maternity clothes? Definitely shirts. Started the hair band trick on my pants or wearing a belt on the last hole. The bella band is also handy.
Stretch marks? Not that I know of yet.
Sleep: We were in California this week so getting enough sleep was hard.
Best moment this week: Not having to explain to the security guy why I didn't want to go through the X-Ray machine. Thanks maternity clothes!
Movement: Nothing... Some kind of movement would really help the worrier in me
Food cravings: Finally ate Mexican! And it was amazing!
Gender: Feeling girl this week.
Labor Signs: Nope.
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Feeling GOOD. I asked Blake this week if I would ever feel GOOD again...
What I am looking forward to: Getting home so I can get sleep!
Weekly Wisdom: Don't do the 2 mile hikes in Yosemite while preggo.
Milestones: I figured out over the last week that I am crazy irritable because of this pregnancy. This will be just great for my students.

9 Weeks

How far along? 9 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: still plus 2 pounds-ish
Maternity clothes? I wore a maternity shirt for the first time today and it fit so much better. I still feel a little "early" but I don't have big clothes either.
Stretch marks? Not that I know of yet.
Sleep: Haven't HAD to have my naps this week. Some nights are better than others.
Best moment this week: Telling our friends and the world!
Movement: Nothing
Food cravings: No major cravings this week.
Gender: Everyone I know has had boys... we'll have a girl and no hand-me-downs
Labor Signs: Nope.
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Margaritas
What I am looking forward to: San Francisco and Central California next week.
Weekly Wisdom: Take the energy when you get it!
Milestones: We told our friends and Facebook. I'm finally getting more excited than nauseous because they are so excited!

8 Weeks

I'm going to start a weekly update on the signs/symptoms of this pregnancy. I'll probably include TMI. Hopefully next week we'll add in a weekly picture :)

How far along? 8 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: plus 2 pounds-ish
Maternity clothes? Thankfully I've been able to hang around in my fat pants.
Stretch marks? Not that I know of yet.
Sleep: All day and most of the night.
Best moment this week: None this week...
Movement: None, including both baby & bowels.
Food cravings: Milkshake, cucumbers and vinegar, grilled cheese
Gender: Chinese calendar says girl
Labor Signs: Nope.
Belly Button in or out? Still in
What I miss: Energy
What I am looking forward to: OB workup next Monday.
Weekly Wisdom: No wisdom from this brain this week.
Milestones: Puking Zofran (anti-nausea medicine) as I took it, sleeping 16 of 24 hours in a day

We have family visiting from Ohio this week so we are busy with that. I've declared that the even weeks must be WAAAY more nauseating than the odd weeks because Week 6 was a bitch and Week 7 was a lot better. Week 8 is starting out rough...

7 Weeks

Yesterday I went for a second ultrasound (the first one, 10 days ago found just a sac so they determined it was too early) and I was so happy to see a little baby in that sac that had been empty just a few days before. There was a heart beating and I was able to hear it through the ultrasound. I recorded the video because Blake had to work and I've probably played it back about 100 times. We were officially measured at 6 weeks 6 days yesterday which makes us 7 weeks today! That's few days ahead of what I determined so I'm happy with that. We have an official due date of February 18, 2014!

We told my parents yesterday and Momma is so excited. We are going to tell Blake's tonight before we go to dinner and I know they are going to share in our joy.

It feels so wrong but because of the terrible nausea and all day sickness I can't get excited about Baby Smith. It was awesome hearing the heartbeat but I am just really feeling bad. I don't want to seem like I am complaining because I feel absolutely BLESSED to be pregnant but it's hard to get excited about something that is making you feel miserable to the point you don't leave the house for a week... 

Miserable Morning Sickness

I thought this pregnancy thing wasn't so bad... the first few weeks after I found out I felt normal. I just kept praying that Baby would hang in there and nothing was so different. Well.... Week 6 hit. And so did the morning sickness...

Last weekend we went to DC with some friends (funny thing to keep a pregnancy away from your traveling buddies) and I was fine. We walked A LOT and I was afraid that would not be so good but it turned out to be alright. When we got back Monday I was EXHAUSTED! And then on Tuesday, Week 6, morning sickness started. Or really it should be called all day sickness. I fought it for a few days before calling the Dr Friday morning and asking for a prescription for nausea. Thank God for Zofran! I know people say not to take it for risk of birth defects... but really. If I can't get out of bed because of the nausea then the risk is worth it to me.

Hopefully this will ease up a bit so I can enjoy the fireworks this weekend and family that is coming in to town. I'm SOOO glad I am dealing with this over the summer instead of during the school year... It makes it a lot easier to keep the pregnancy from family/friends/co-workers.

What NOT to say...

I have written this post in my mind several times. This past weekend I spent some time with family and close friends and it just strengthened my feelings to share...

Once a couple makes the decision to have a child their world turns around. Until that child finally enters the picture life is a struggle. Unless you have walked in those same footsteps, you have no idea what it is like.

1) Once you relax, you'll get pregnant. Really? I had several people tell me that we weren't pregnant because I was too stressed out with my job and other social commitments. Really?!? I am incredibly Type-A and HAVE to be busy. I go nuts during the summer staying at home. "Relaxing" is not going to help us get pregnant. (Funny side note: I definitely got pregnant during the most stressful time of the school year -- EOG Testing...)

2) You should just stop trying. You've heard it before, "We got pregnant when we stopped trying." I don't believe that happens. Once you decide to start a family it's ALWAYS in the back of your mind. Every month that is your ultimate goal, even if you say you aren't trying. You may stop taking the medication or treatment but you are still "trying."

Success! and Shock!

Tuesday night my dad came over for dinner (burgers... Blake had to try out his new grill!) then left. Blake & I started talking about our plans to start Couch to5k in the morning. I was going to meet him by the Greenway and we would start together. I then mentioned that I was going to take a pregnancy test in the morning (because Fertility Friend determined that should be my start date) and if it came back positive I would NOT be running. So I got to thinking about it and decided it was selfish of me to take the test by myself when obviously it takes two to tango... I tested Tuesday night. Blake was getting ready for work and I said, "Babe. There's a line." He was used to my ovulation predictors that have to be as dark as the control line so he said, "It's not as dark as the other one." I explained that if there was a line that meant there were pregnancy hormones... (You have to know Blake. He shows NO emotions. I've never seen him cry. He gets happy or upset but does not show emotion. EVER.) He was still skeptical.

So he went to work and I went to bed. We are not telling anybody until we hear the heartbeat at least. It's still SUPER early (just shy of 5 weeks) so we are cautiously optimistic. I can't believe the 1st cycle of Clomid worked! Of course I'm reading in to every little symptom my body has. Every cramp scares me, I keep feeling my boobs to make sure they hurt (it comes and goes), I'm not feeling nauseous so that worries me, etc. I'm really excited that we were able to get pregnant... now we just have to keep baby going and thriving.

Here's what I woke up to in Jesus Calling the day after we got our positive test:

"I am creating something new in you: a bubbling spring of Joy that spills over into others' lives. Do not mistake this Joy for your own or try to take credit for it in any way. Instead, watch in delight as My Spirit flows through you to bless others."

This isn't OUR child. It's God's child. We have prayed and prayed and prayed for this child. I promised Him a LONG time ago that any child I had would be raised to be His servant. And while this early pregnancy has brought Blake & I so much Joy, I can only imagine the Joy it is going to bring to our families and friends. It is not our place to take credit for it. Yes we took care of the physical aspects but it is the unseen that we are not in control of and that's what HE took care of for us.

I feel so blessed and excited. I know that if this baby is taken from us before he/she gets to earth then that's God's Will. While I will be heartbroken, I know that He is watching over us. I do pray that his child is our "take home" baby so that he/she brings Joy not only to us but to our families, friends, and God.

Clomid Cycle 1 Update

I went in Monday for the CD 21 blood work and the Clomid did it's job -- I ovulated! I am nearing the end of the TWW and there are A LOT of symptoms following the Clomid. It's really hard to not read in to every twinge my body has... every cramp, sore, new spot, etc. The "earliest" pregnancy symptoms are also PMS symptoms so while I WANT this sooo bad I keep reminding myself that if it's meant to be it will be.

"The way to walk through demanding days is to grip My hand tightly and stay in close communication with me... with trust and thankfulness."

That's what I've been working on this week... close communication. Whenever I feel like I have a "symptom" I remember that line of communication with Him is always there which gives me strength and comfort. Worry is simply lack of trust. I need not worry. I need to trust. 4 more days.

Clomid Effects

I am 5 days post Clomid and all I have to say is WHEW! My poor students have definitely gotten the brunt of the mood swings... One of them asked a question and I totally bit his head off. (Granted it was a stupid question but do you know how many stupid questions I get asked in a day?!?) Thankfully the mood swings haven't been too bad but they haven't been the only side effect.

Headaches - I had a pretty constant headache Wednesday - Friday. So bad that I woke up Thursday and wouldn't dare put my contacts in. I almost felt like a migraine was coming on. (No bueno.) I was afraid to take anything for it because I know certain pain medicines may affect Clomid's effectiveness. So killer headache + students = an interesting day.

Pain - TMI but my ovaries have hurt. Like seriously. I hate to complain about it because I take the pain as a sign that the Clomid is working but they hurt. Mostly on the right but on the left a little too. I've also had increased pain in my lungs which worries me. I had a collapsed lung in 2009 and they couldn't find any real cause. The Dr then told me it could be endometriosis in the lung. Since I was on birth control they didn't worry any more about it because that's the best way to keep it in line. However now that we want to be pregnant endometriosis is no good. I figure if this cycle is a bust then I'll mention it to my Dr and see if she wants to explore that route.

Fatigue - I have been super super tired. Like I come home and can't find the energy to cook tired. We've run through CookOut like 3 times this week. (Can't beat $10.98 for tons of food!) Good thing we have a holiday weekend and I've been able to take lots of naps ;)

Overall Clomid hasn't been too bad. I'm hopeful for this cycle but we will see. I woke up this morning and I was immediately told, "Take it day by day." That's what my roommate told me when I started dating Blake 7 years ago. I took our relationship day by day and it blossomed into something amazing. We'll keep trucking through day by day and see where this journey takes us next.

It's Amazing...

... how God works in our lives. Today I got a Facebook message from a girl Blake grew up with through church. We're friends of Facebook and have met a few times but ultimately that's the extent of our relationship. She sent me a message today:

"I know we don't know each other too well but you have been on my heart lately, so I just wanted you to know I have been praying for you. I hope the end of the school year goes well and that your summer is wonderful."

Like seriously? How in the world could she know what is going on?!? There are very few people in our lives who know what's going on (my mom, Blake's mom, their respective prayer partners, good friends at church, my teaching partner and my principal). And these blogs aren't being posted until we are ready to go public. There is seriously no way I can think of for her to know what is going on. There's no such thing as coincidence.

Monday was a rough day for me. There's more going on in our lives other than TTC and I'll keep that off the interwebs. I got Brittany's message while at school and broke down. That's exactly what I needed to hear. I just need to know that He is faithful and I was so definitely reminded of that. Even when I feel like I am being selfish to worry and be upset over our journey, He reminds me that it is ok. He's got people thinking about us and praying for us. How awesome!

But wait! There's more... While we were in Charleston for my brother's wedding I got a phone call from a former co-worker of mine in Beaufort County. She told me too that I had been on her mind and she wanted to check in. Neither one of these women knew we had difficulties in our lives (and I didn't explain to either exactly what is going on) but they are faithful women. And God has obviously put them in my life for a reason. How awesome!

Mr. Pais

Last week my "first born" turned 6. That same night Blake found a lump under his rib cage near his belly. I wanted to believe it was just a fatty deposit but I was driving myself crazy thinking it was something else. We went Tuesday for a check up and the Dr said it was too hard to be a fatty lump. UGH! So we immediately scheduled his surgery for next week since my brother was coming in to town Friday. The wait was eating me up though so I called the next day and had it scheduled for today.

I was a hot mess when I dropped him off this morning. It was all I could do to get out of there without bawling. I cried all the way to school on the phone with Blake. I called the Vet 3 times to check on him. I was there right at 4 to pick him up. The Vet Tech pulled me aside when we got there and said, "I'm not supposed to tell you this but it was just a fatty lump." PRAISE THE LORD!

We've been going through a lot lately. May has been a rough month for a lot of reasons and this was the good news we needed. We'll keep an eye on him for awhile and if more lumps come up we'll have them tested before major surgery again. I'm so glad he is healthy and should be back up for some ball-playing soon!

Insurance Plans...

This past Saturday I went to pick up the Provera and Clomid. Provera is an extra high dose of estrogen that is to help induce a period and wow! It hit me like a ton of bricks... I have had hot flashes all week and my moods are all over the place. I feel sorry for my students this week because I'm probably nice one minute and a complete bitch the next... And poor Blake has had to deal with me. But what really got me was that our wonderful State Health Plan denied the Clomid. We are currently getting the Prior Approval completed so we can get that filled. I'm just hoping we can get it done in time to use this cycle! Eeek!

Since we started TTC I've charted by temperature when I wake up first thing every morning. That also meant that I was carrying my handy thermometer on every trip... Charlotte, New York City, Topsail, Charleston, Washington DC.... That is one well-traveled thermometer! I know a lot of people feel like I was over planning and working myself up BUT I know my body. I know that from age 11 to 17 I had MAYBE a total of 8 periods. Birth Control did wonders for me and made me feel like my body was doing what it was supposed to. I'm just hoping now that my body responds as well to the new hormones and does what it is supposed to do.

I've also researched the coverage on the State Health Plan for Infertility... $5,000 lifetime maximum. Thanks NC for treating your teachers so well. Apparently we are only supposed to have the students in our classrooms as our children. *Fingers Crossed* and lots of prayers that the Clomid does the trick and we don't need to worry about using up our max coverage.

Here we go...

My appointment went well. She had them take 2 vials of blood for testing and I go back Friday for an ultrasound then meeting with the Dr. Hopefully the tests will come back all clear and she hopes to start with Clomid. I'm kind of scared of Clomid because of the increased risk of multiples BUT I know there's not a lot we can do to get pregnant naturally if my body doesn't release eggs... So we'll see how next week goes!

Upcoming Appointment

I have an appointment Friday with my OB/GYN. I have a feeling we will get some answers and make a plan for this lack of ovulation thing.

I wanted to blog about this experience because I feel as though I am suffering alone. No one I work with or talk to on a regular basis has openly discussed infertility. And it's not even infertility that I know of, just irregular cycles or annovulation. I wanted to open up so that others who I may know only through Facebook or the internets will know that it is normal. And there are people who struggle.

We shouldn't be surprised that I am on Cycle Day 60. From age 11 to 17 I never had regular periods. I would have like 4 a year. The doctors weren't too concerned about that and put me on birth control to regulate life. (And oh how I loved being able to KNOW down to the HOUR when I could expect Aunt Flo!) They said if there were issues it would be found when it came time to have children. Fast forward 8 years and here we are! I have a feeling (thanks Dr. Google) that I probably have PCOS. I have several of the symptoms plus I gained 15+ pounds as soon as I went off birth control (which was an experience! Who knew you go through BC withdrawl?!?).

I'm interested to see what the Dr recommends. Part of me wants to wait and see if life regulates but the other part of me wants to get this show on the road.

Four Months...

I am writing this four months in but won't publish until we come public about our struggles... I feel this is the best place to capture my thoughts and share with others.

Four months ago we decided to toss the birth control. 2012 was filled with many different things that caused both Blake & me to feel as though it was time to have children. The first I remember vividly was sitting in church the week after Granddaddy passed away. I felt this HUGE urge to have a child. Last summer I found out my Daddy has been suffering from mini-strokes that are slowly taking away his ability to take care of himself (much like dementia).  We knew Richard's wedding was coming up and we didn't want to steal any thunder from that so we decided to wait until the end of the year. Totally not ideal for school year timing but oh well...

Anyone who has known me for an extended period of time knows just how much I want to be a mom. Seriously. In high school they called me Mother Amy. I was always described as a "motherer" by my teachers because I just wanted to take care of everyone. My best friend growing up, Whitney, told me one day, "Amy, if you can't have kids your life is going to be over." And that stuck with me because I had NEVER thought about not being able to have kids. It probably would be over. I really have been dreaming about driving a minivan since I was 2.

Of course we talked with a lot of people about starting a family. I was surrounded by women at school who all got pregnant their very first month. I've talked with others who were pregnant within 3. I heard very few stories about women who had difficulties so I, of course, assumed we would do the deed and have it done in no time. Yea, right. My hormones do not know the meaning of the term "regulate" making this journey incredibly difficult. I had 2 semi-normal, 36-day cycles and I am currently on day 48 with no end in sight.

I know it's only been 4 months and I shouldn't be upset but once you've decided to make the plunge on something so life-changing and amazing, you just want it to happen! Four months has hit me super hard. I was fine with two and three months but four has been tough. I can't imagine women who go through this for years!

But, you know what? This journey has been the most awesome test of faith. I read in "Jesus Calling" back in January or February something about a life-altering journey was ahead of me and that He was going to walk with me through it. At the time I remember thinking, "Oh. What if this is going to be more of a journey than a walk in the park?" And it has stuck with me. We will have a child when God determines. I have no doubt about that. He is in charge of our lives. As a 100% control freak I have issues giving up control. I want to be in charge and finally, FINALLY He has given me something in my life that I have absolutely no control over. I can't even get my body to do what it is naturally supposed to do. But you know what? Oh, well. We will have a child when the time is right. When HIS time is right. Now I just have to remind myself of that about 100 times a day... And every time I tell myself that, I feel the weight lifting off more and more.