Miserable Morning Sickness

I thought this pregnancy thing wasn't so bad... the first few weeks after I found out I felt normal. I just kept praying that Baby would hang in there and nothing was so different. Well.... Week 6 hit. And so did the morning sickness...

Last weekend we went to DC with some friends (funny thing to keep a pregnancy away from your traveling buddies) and I was fine. We walked A LOT and I was afraid that would not be so good but it turned out to be alright. When we got back Monday I was EXHAUSTED! And then on Tuesday, Week 6, morning sickness started. Or really it should be called all day sickness. I fought it for a few days before calling the Dr Friday morning and asking for a prescription for nausea. Thank God for Zofran! I know people say not to take it for risk of birth defects... but really. If I can't get out of bed because of the nausea then the risk is worth it to me.

Hopefully this will ease up a bit so I can enjoy the fireworks this weekend and family that is coming in to town. I'm SOOO glad I am dealing with this over the summer instead of during the school year... It makes it a lot easier to keep the pregnancy from family/friends/co-workers.

What NOT to say...

I have written this post in my mind several times. This past weekend I spent some time with family and close friends and it just strengthened my feelings to share...

Once a couple makes the decision to have a child their world turns around. Until that child finally enters the picture life is a struggle. Unless you have walked in those same footsteps, you have no idea what it is like.

1) Once you relax, you'll get pregnant. Really? I had several people tell me that we weren't pregnant because I was too stressed out with my job and other social commitments. Really?!? I am incredibly Type-A and HAVE to be busy. I go nuts during the summer staying at home. "Relaxing" is not going to help us get pregnant. (Funny side note: I definitely got pregnant during the most stressful time of the school year -- EOG Testing...)

2) You should just stop trying. You've heard it before, "We got pregnant when we stopped trying." I don't believe that happens. Once you decide to start a family it's ALWAYS in the back of your mind. Every month that is your ultimate goal, even if you say you aren't trying. You may stop taking the medication or treatment but you are still "trying."

Success! and Shock!

Tuesday night my dad came over for dinner (burgers... Blake had to try out his new grill!) then left. Blake & I started talking about our plans to start Couch to5k in the morning. I was going to meet him by the Greenway and we would start together. I then mentioned that I was going to take a pregnancy test in the morning (because Fertility Friend determined that should be my start date) and if it came back positive I would NOT be running. So I got to thinking about it and decided it was selfish of me to take the test by myself when obviously it takes two to tango... I tested Tuesday night. Blake was getting ready for work and I said, "Babe. There's a line." He was used to my ovulation predictors that have to be as dark as the control line so he said, "It's not as dark as the other one." I explained that if there was a line that meant there were pregnancy hormones... (You have to know Blake. He shows NO emotions. I've never seen him cry. He gets happy or upset but does not show emotion. EVER.) He was still skeptical.

So he went to work and I went to bed. We are not telling anybody until we hear the heartbeat at least. It's still SUPER early (just shy of 5 weeks) so we are cautiously optimistic. I can't believe the 1st cycle of Clomid worked! Of course I'm reading in to every little symptom my body has. Every cramp scares me, I keep feeling my boobs to make sure they hurt (it comes and goes), I'm not feeling nauseous so that worries me, etc. I'm really excited that we were able to get pregnant... now we just have to keep baby going and thriving.

Here's what I woke up to in Jesus Calling the day after we got our positive test:

"I am creating something new in you: a bubbling spring of Joy that spills over into others' lives. Do not mistake this Joy for your own or try to take credit for it in any way. Instead, watch in delight as My Spirit flows through you to bless others."

This isn't OUR child. It's God's child. We have prayed and prayed and prayed for this child. I promised Him a LONG time ago that any child I had would be raised to be His servant. And while this early pregnancy has brought Blake & I so much Joy, I can only imagine the Joy it is going to bring to our families and friends. It is not our place to take credit for it. Yes we took care of the physical aspects but it is the unseen that we are not in control of and that's what HE took care of for us.

I feel so blessed and excited. I know that if this baby is taken from us before he/she gets to earth then that's God's Will. While I will be heartbroken, I know that He is watching over us. I do pray that his child is our "take home" baby so that he/she brings Joy not only to us but to our families, friends, and God.

Clomid Cycle 1 Update

I went in Monday for the CD 21 blood work and the Clomid did it's job -- I ovulated! I am nearing the end of the TWW and there are A LOT of symptoms following the Clomid. It's really hard to not read in to every twinge my body has... every cramp, sore, new spot, etc. The "earliest" pregnancy symptoms are also PMS symptoms so while I WANT this sooo bad I keep reminding myself that if it's meant to be it will be.

"The way to walk through demanding days is to grip My hand tightly and stay in close communication with me... with trust and thankfulness."

That's what I've been working on this week... close communication. Whenever I feel like I have a "symptom" I remember that line of communication with Him is always there which gives me strength and comfort. Worry is simply lack of trust. I need not worry. I need to trust. 4 more days.